The Complexity of Self-Disclosure in Therapy: When is it appropriate to give our opinions?

Ethical self-disclosure examples for therapists

Self-disclosure is always tricky, especially when power dynamics are involved. In those moments, therapists are often challenged to lead with curiosity rather than authority. As the American Counseling Association has noted, self-disclosure can build trust and strengthen the therapeutic alliance when used thoughtfully, but it can also divert attention from the client if not handled carefully.

We’re already used to navigating when it is helpful or harmful to share overlapping experiences with clients. As therapists, we may respond to personal questions from clients more openly when we already know it doesn’t touch an open wound. We may even be more likely to share something that normalizes what they’re feeling ashamed or lonely about. We can also provide a sense of safety to a client by informing them that we are allies or part of the same population.

At the same time, over-identifying with our clients can leave out opportunities to challenge rigid beliefs. We should manage personal bias in therapy by noticing when we feel more comfortable self-disclosing with some clients more than others and asking ourselves why. Are you afraid they’ll disagree?

How to manage personal bias in therapy

Therapists’ boundaries around self-disclosure are critical to protect our clients. The And Way approaches self-disclosure as a complex decision-making process rather than an all-or-nothing trap. It’s also critical to maintain awareness of countertransference.

I reject the notion that we are blank slates or that we need to have every stance and feeling on every issue on our sleeves. On one end of the spectrum is a clinician who, similar to a harmful use of racial colorblindness, insists that no matter what beliefs a clinician holds, that is their business, and they can’t possibly cause harm because they’re “neutral.” On the other end of the spectrum is a clinician who posts a personal interpretation of daily news on their professional social media account and expects the clients who won’t be offended by their opinions to feel comfortable coming to see them, often meaning they share many of the same beliefs.

The way we prioritize values, the desire we have to create a safe space for different groups of people, and how private an individual clinician is all contribute to how we manage personal bias in therapy.

There are instances where a client and clinician can maintain a connection even while holding differing beliefs. In fact, the very reality that they hold differing beliefs may challenge the binary thinking or psychological rigidity that the client has previously held.

Recently, I challenged a client’s belief that “women don’t want a nice guy,” along with a series of rigid narratives around dating. We each recognized the circles we are exposed to—one often around long-term married couples and the other surrounded by singles—and how this shaped our impressions of dating “success.” Identifying my opposing narrative actually opened up their perspective to include multiple possibilities. Successful relationships, when we combine our unique experiences, could look a number of different ways.

When it comes to political ideology, there are opportunities in front of us like:

• What if all liberals/conservatives aren’t all the same?

• What if feminism means something different to one person than another?

• What if someone I disagree with is also someone I deeply respect?

It may lead them to more flexible thinking like:

• What if the belief I’ve always held is a product of the environment I’ve been exposed to?

• What if the people I assumed were all one way are actually more nuanced than that?

• What if I could hold differing beliefs or disappointment in someone’s choice/behavior while also showing them dignity?

How to avoid oversharing in therapy as a therapist

Self-disclosure is meant to serve the client, not to indoctrinate them or convince them of anything. However, I will push back when a client expresses a belief that:

1. contradicts their own values, or

2. causes harm to themselves or others.

This isn’t about forcing a client to change their belief. It’s about helping them hold complexity in their thinking, which serves their overall mental health. Self-disclosure should serve the client, not the therapist’s need to be understood, validated, or agreed with. The goal is not authority. The goal is curiosity, discernment, and a willingness to stay grounded enough to know when sharing supports the work and when it gets in the way.

If you’re a therapist looking for support around clinical judgment, therapist boundaries, countertransference awareness, and how to hold complexity in the therapy room, Kelsey offers online LCSW supervision for Texas and Florida LMSWs, along with professional consultation for therapists navigating the realities of clinical work and private practice.

Frequently Asked Questions:

• When should a therapist self-disclose?

  A therapist should self-disclose when it clearly serves the client and the therapeutic work. It may be helpful when it normalizes shame, increases safety, or supports connection, but it should be weighed carefully rather than treated as an automatic good.ion text goes here

• How can therapists avoid oversharing in therapy?

  Therapists can avoid oversharing by staying aware of power dynamics, checking their motive for sharing, and asking whether the disclosure serves the client or the therapist. Countertransference awareness and therapist boundaries matter here.

• Is it ok for a therapist to challenge a client's beliefs?

  Sometimes, yes. Especially when a client’s beliefs contradict their own values or cause harm to themselves or others. The point is not indoctrination. The point is helping the client hold more complexity and flexibility in their thinking.

• What does ethical self-disclosure look like in therapy?

  Ethical self-disclosure is thoughtful, contained, and clinically relevant. It is not about making the session about the therapist. It is about using clinical judgment to decide whether sharing something will genuinely support the client.

Written by Kelsey Blahnik, LCSW-S

Kelsey Blahnik, LCSW-S, is an author, clinician, and creator of The And Way model. She is an advocate committed to bringing peace and justice into our politically divided world. With extensive experience in behavioral health, including work with substance abuse, unhoused individuals, and veterans, Kelsey has witnessed the impact of division on communities. She is the owner of a thriving online group therapy practice, The And Way Therapy, and author of the book The And Way: Assertive Peacemaking in a Divided World.

Outside the therapy room, you’ll usually find her reading, hiking, or enjoying matcha.

Schedule your professional consultation here.